Hey guys! Happy Monday! I hope you all have had a good start to your week. I know my week has started out a bit stressful, but I’ll get into that later on.
I know my family reading this may disagree with my enthusiasm for being transparent with my posts, but the best part of hosting your own blog is getting to decide the content that goes in it. Also, I am very transparent about this subject since it is a subject worth being transparent about.
For all of those reading this, it’s like reading a diary entry of mine, but I know you’re reading it, and I’m totally okay with it. It’s a diary entry without the snooping, less thrilling but equally invasive. (it’s not really invasive, but you know what I mean)
So, I won’t blame my lack of posts on being stressed with work or anything like that because it’s simply not true. I can absolutely balance work and blogging, no problem. Yes, somedays, I’ll be too tired to blog, but it has never stopped me from blogging even on my off days.
I haven’t blogged because I’ve been in a funk. Life has got me feeling down, and that’s totally okay. I’ve been stressed about the future, my summer, money, college, and everything in between.
I also hoped that I would be finished with my second book by now, and I would be able to spend the rest of the year formatting my book to be ready for publishing in the winter. As of right now, that seems highly unlikely since I’m not even halfway done writing it. It sucks because I feel like I’m letting myself down.
Also, I continuously stress myself out about hypotheticals and things that have no chance of being real.
I know people can relate to me on that.
It’s been hard to think about doing things that make me happy because I keep myself so burnt out all the time. I am utterly, emotionally exhausted and in need of a vacation that will never happen. I’ve been so stressed out that I can’t seem to enjoy anything. I’ll be honest–crying has been very therapeutic for me.
I don’t want anyone reading this to think that I’m just crying out for attention because I’m not. This isn’t the first time that I have gotten a little depressed, and it won’t be the last. But then again, who doesn’t fall into a funk from time to time.
After all, life isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. Sometimes, you get rain, too. And rain is important because it’s a free car wash. (that definitely sounded better in my head, but you get the point)
Bad days are equally as important as good days because bad days make the good ones feel even better.
I know I have nothing to be sad about, but I’m just sad. I don’t know why. I literally wake up sad. It’s so annoying that I’m mad at myself. Trust me, no one thinks I’m more overdramatic than I do.
I don’t know when I’ll be back. I wish I do. I have many ideas for posts, but I can’t get myself to write. Hopefully after I start checking things off my long-term to-do list, I’ll be in a better headspace.
As of right now my to-do list looks something like:
FASFA Buy Dining Set
- Buy furniture for room
- move in
- figure out major
- you’re broke make more money
- what do you want to do with your life???
- How are you going to get enough money???
- Sort your life out????
- get it together sis????
I hope you understand how my brain works a little better now, but in actuality, it doesn’t work at all.
The things on my list seem like easy fixes, but oh boy you have no idea how hard it is to get them done. FASFA? Easy. Buying furniture? Not until I get enough money. Make more money to buy furniture? Okay, work 36+ hours a week, but also gain stress. Work less? No money. Are you catching my drift?
Life isn’t hard, but it can be at times. I’m just hitting a bump in the road, and I get that. I just have to wait it out, and then it will be better. If only I was better at patience. (just kidding!)
I’ll eventually start blogging again, I promise, but right now I have some stuff to take care of.
Until next time,
What I’m Listening To Now: Lots of worship music. Tryna get Jesus to help me with my funk.
New Movie I Love: It’s not a movie, but I’ve been watching lots of random clips of Master Chef Canada. Odd, but delicious-looking.
New Obsession: Stressing! Just can’t get enough of it!
2 thoughts on “where i’ve been…”
Keep up the good work and vibes bub 💯
Lulu sadness is ok in small doses; if it feels more than that, call me. Try not to be so tough on yourself to figure out your life. College is supposed to be a time for new experiences and ideas. You will know how to make the big decisions when you need to. In the meantime give yourself permission to not know everything yet! Love you!